things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Randomize
