Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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