I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
