Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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