you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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