We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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