I hate all girls vehemently.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
