4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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