How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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