i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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