drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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