Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
