If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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