I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
