well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
