I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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