I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
