I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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