A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
