I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
