she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
