Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
