did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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