Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
