I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
