do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
