At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
