Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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