Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
