Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
