how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
