home. puking in laundry basket.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
