So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
