soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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