Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
being pregnant is like rehab
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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