god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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