Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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