i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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