My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
