dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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