Just cropdusted the office
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
