are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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