:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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