my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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