I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
