is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
