He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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