hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
