So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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