his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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